Bottom Ten Films of 2012

I know. I know that I am late to the party, but I follow the same rules as the Academy. Most movies nominated don't come out or go into wide release until January into February. I wanted to see all the films to make my final judgments. Trying to avoid to the awful didn't mean that I didn't see the eventual shitacular assaults to my eyeballs. Here are my bottom ten films of 2012:

 10

The Grey

When I heard the Film Junk tauting this movie as one of the best movies of the year back in June, I wanted to see what the fuss was about. About five minutes into the movie, I knew what was going to happen and the big revelation at the end. There were some fucking annoying characters that I wanted glad became wolf food. I enjoyed their misery the characters went through to make up for mine watching this dreck.

9

Les Misérables

Words cannot describe how much I fucking hated this movie. Not all of the movie, but most of it. Excluding, Anne Hathaway and Samantha Barks, the movie was garbage. I cannot believe that a story about a man doing hard labor for stealing a fucking loaf of bread would be turned into a 2 1/2 hours musical with bland musical numbers Russell Crowe's guttural voice and the mediocre plot. My gay card might be revoked. I don't care.

8

The Bourne Legacy

Call me Miss Cleo, because I was telling Dan from Dan the Man's Movie Reviews that I thought this movie was going to suck elephant balls. I was right. Holy shit! Who wants to see a movie that was a rehash of The Bourne Ultanium but with generic version of Jason Bourne with whatever the fuck his name is. It was dull. So dull that I wanted to rip my fingernails off one by one with rusty pliers.

7

Red Tails

After taking the whole 2011 year off from watching movie, I started off 2012 with watching this bad Hallmark movie that somehow made it to the big screen. Don't get me wrong. I am proud of what the Tuskegee Airmen did in WWII and black pilots in general. It seems that the movie was dripping in so much syrup that you would into diabetic shock. 

6

The Dark Knight Rises

Going into the movie, I did not have the highest of expectations. In this nearly three hour miasma, I was pissed off that people were giving this movie praise. Are you kidding me? Are you high? The plot did not make sense. Christopher Nolan ending the Batman franchise is a good thing so we don't have to sit through another godawful Bruce Wayne flick. Back to the drawing board, Nolan. 

Total Recall

Total Recall (2012)

Directed by Len Wiseman

Screenplay by Kurt Wimmer and Mark Bomback

Story by Ronald Shusett & Dan O'Bannon and Jon Povill and Kurt Wimmer

Inspired by the short story, "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale" by Philip K. Dick

Stars: Colin Farrell, Jessica Biel, Kate Beckinsale, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine, John Cho and Bill Nighy

As you know like everyone on the planet, remakes are usually a cash grab for studios to cater to a younger audience. Seeing that Total Recall was being remade was not a shock. It is Hollywood. They would remake anything to get butts in seats. I have seen the original Total Recall  and I enjoyed it way better. It was a bit dated like the "futuristic" cars that looked like DeLoreans. The ambiguity of the first film was completely lost in the remake.

The film takes place at the end of the 21st century where a chemical world war has decimated the planet into to inhabitable places, the United Federation of Britain and the Colony. Douglas Quaid (Farrell) is waking up to a similar dream about him rescuing a young woman and being captured. His wife, Lori (Beckinsale) is trying to get Douglas to tell her about the dream.

Douglas travels to his job at a factory through a big elevator ship called The Fall that goes through the center of the Earth. (Don't bring logic into it.) He puts together robots to be cops for the UFB and the Colony. A co-worker tells him about Rekall, which is a company that implants memories. Douglas goes to the company where McClane (John Cho) straps him into the machine, but McClane wants to abort the transplantation. A SWAT teams tries to apprehended Douglas but kills them. At home, he tries to tell his wife what happened, but she tries to kill him.

As I stated before, I thought the ambiguity of the original was completely lost here. It was blown in the first minutes of the film. It makes your wonder why did the events happen in the first place. I'm not saying that I hated the film. I thought that the film treated the material poorly. The movie tried so hard to deliver fan service for the original movie that doesn't make sense in the context of this version.

The actors were fine in their roles, but I did not feel anything sense of danger with them. Douglas Quaid was made an everyman with Colin Farrell in the role as opposed to Arnold Schwarzenegger with his hulking presence. Jessica Biel as Douglas' companion, Melina faded into the background. She was very flat. Kate Beckinsale proved her badassery in Lori, the agent trying to kill Douglas. The supporting characters had nothing to do. Bill Nighy was wasted in this movie.

The action sequences were a bit of a mixed bag to me. I thought the hand to hand combat bits were quite good. I think some of the other set pieces were head scratching like the scene with the hovercars and the elevator chase scene. It was fine, but it didn't excite me.

I have to say one thing. Does every single movie have to have fucking lens flares? Well, this happen in the future, where lens flares are happening in darkened rooms or enclosed spaces where lights come into your eyes from nowhere. Enough already.

My Rating