Immortals

Immortals (2011)

Directed by Tarsem Singh

Screenplay by Charley Parlapanides and Vlas Parlapanides 
 
Stars: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto, Stephen Dorff, Joseph Morgan, Luke Evans, Isabel Lucas, Kellan Lutz and John Hurt

After seeing gratuitous ass shots of Kellan Lutz from his upcoming movie Java Heat, the desire to see Immortals grew. Do not ask how my mind works. Just go with it. There was the desire to see the film when it came out on 11-11-11, but it happened on my hiatus from movie watching. Seeing the movie now, the adage goes: all style, no substance.

Taking place at a time where the gods rules and mankind are left to fend for themselves. The story has been done before with the chosen one, Theseus (Cavill), a peasant that has a higher calling. There is an evil king, Hyperion (Rourke) that is seeking a weapon that has the power to destroy the gods, The Epirus Bow. The virgin oracle, Phaedra (Pinto), foretells that the paths between Theseus and Hyperion would clash in an epic battle of the ages.

With my limited knowledge on Greek mythology, the story of this movie was bland to put it mildly. The movie reminded me of the remake of Clash of the Titans. It was the same story about about a demigod that refuses his birthright to mope around Greece for most of the movie until it is their time to fulfill their destiny. It seems that Hollywood is running out of ideas. Rehashing the same tired concepts with different sickeningly buffed and oily slick men. Yamn! Bored.

Having seen a couple of Tarsem's films, it seems that he is focused on the aesthetic of the film instead of the most important thing, the dialogue. It seem hackneyed. The motivations of the characters are mystery to me. You have the gods on Mount Olympus talking to each other and you have no idea who the hell any of them are. Why should you care? There is something about the fight scenes seemed off to me. It was like the fight scenes were rehearsal footage. It seemed like the actors were in a choreographed dance instead of fight. The fighting was as lackluster as the one on one combat in The Dark Knight Rises.

My expectations of this movie was supposed to be frivolous fun with bronzed gods, but it was just the Exxon-Valdez onscreen.

My Rating

Final Impressions 11/11/11

It's that time ladies and gents for Hollywood to release another mixed bag of movies for you to consume. Also, today is 11-11-11. Everybody is going apeshit over it. Give me a break. Here are the movies that are opening today.

Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman

11-11-11

Speaking of a movies that is going apeshit, we have the latest from the director that gave us the glorious masterpieces, Saw 2, 3 and 4, Darren Lynn Bousman.

This horror flick is about a man that survives a car accident at 11:11. Then, strange events happens around 11-11. The date 11-11-11 is supposed to bring an evil unto the world. You know the drill.

Didn't people say the same thing when the remake of The Omen came out on 6-6-06 that the world was going to end and the devil was coming back?

Directed by Tarsem Singh

Immortals

Who wants to see a bunch of greased up muscle men with swords and shields? Women and gay men will flock at this movie. You still have 300, but this cast is prettier.

The director, Tarsem Singh directed that acclaimed movie, The Fall and The Cell with J. Lo. He has great visual style, but the other aspects of the movie suffer. I don't know what to say about this movie.

Directed by Clint Eastwood

J. Edgar

The Oscar baity movies are amping up with the release of Clint Eastwood's biopic of FBI honcho, J. Edgar Hoover. This is Leonardo DiCaprio's mission to win an Oscar

The movie delves into the his ascension of his status at the FBI, his influence on presidents, his cross dressing and his ambiguous relationship with friend, Carl Tolson (Armie Hammer).

Let the Oscar campaign begin.

Directed by Lars von Trier

Melancholia

Kirsten Dunst have been out of the spotlight for so long that I was surprised that has a movie out. It's a Lars von Trier movie. You know that his characters are going to be happy-go-lucky, don't have a care in the world and live happily ever after. (You know I'm kidding. Right?)

Kirsten won the Best Actress Award at the Cannes Film Festival. That should say something. Right? Maybe. No. Not at all.

Directed by Dennis Dugan

Jack and Jill

Why on God's green earth would Adam Sandler do this movie? Seriously. Write a comment about who would possess somebody to make this movie.

This is Adam Sandler's version of Norbit. The straight guy and the annoying, outrageous drag version of him.

This looks so unfunny, unimaginative and possibly a waste of your time and money.