Immortals

Immortals (2011)

Directed by Tarsem Singh

Screenplay by Charley Parlapanides and Vlas Parlapanides 
 
Stars: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto, Stephen Dorff, Joseph Morgan, Luke Evans, Isabel Lucas, Kellan Lutz and John Hurt

After seeing gratuitous ass shots of Kellan Lutz from his upcoming movie Java Heat, the desire to see Immortals grew. Do not ask how my mind works. Just go with it. There was the desire to see the film when it came out on 11-11-11, but it happened on my hiatus from movie watching. Seeing the movie now, the adage goes: all style, no substance.

Taking place at a time where the gods rules and mankind are left to fend for themselves. The story has been done before with the chosen one, Theseus (Cavill), a peasant that has a higher calling. There is an evil king, Hyperion (Rourke) that is seeking a weapon that has the power to destroy the gods, The Epirus Bow. The virgin oracle, Phaedra (Pinto), foretells that the paths between Theseus and Hyperion would clash in an epic battle of the ages.

With my limited knowledge on Greek mythology, the story of this movie was bland to put it mildly. The movie reminded me of the remake of Clash of the Titans. It was the same story about about a demigod that refuses his birthright to mope around Greece for most of the movie until it is their time to fulfill their destiny. It seems that Hollywood is running out of ideas. Rehashing the same tired concepts with different sickeningly buffed and oily slick men. Yamn! Bored.

Having seen a couple of Tarsem's films, it seems that he is focused on the aesthetic of the film instead of the most important thing, the dialogue. It seem hackneyed. The motivations of the characters are mystery to me. You have the gods on Mount Olympus talking to each other and you have no idea who the hell any of them are. Why should you care? There is something about the fight scenes seemed off to me. It was like the fight scenes were rehearsal footage. It seemed like the actors were in a choreographed dance instead of fight. The fighting was as lackluster as the one on one combat in The Dark Knight Rises.

My expectations of this movie was supposed to be frivolous fun with bronzed gods, but it was just the Exxon-Valdez onscreen.

My Rating

The Expendables

The Expendables (2010)

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

Written by Sylvester Stallone and David Callaham

Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Eric Roberts, Steve Austin, David Zayas, Giselle Itié, Charisma Carpenter and Mickey Rourke

This movie was touted in being the best "B" movie to be released. I think that statement is true. It has all of the action stars from yesteryear in this movie. I knew the movie would be stupid fun like The A-Team. I was prepared to see non stop action, blood, fights and big ass motherfucking guns. I was a happy boy.

A group of over-the-hill mercenaries are sent to impossible missions by Tool (Rourke) in order to save hostages from terrorists. During one mission, a team member goes rogue, Gunner (Lundgren) and team has to recovery. When a handler named Church (Willis), tells the the Expendables about a plot to assassinate an overzealous dictator from the island of Vilena, General Garza (Zayas) and a former CIA operative, James Munroe (Roberts) who is trafficking cocaine with Garza's daughter, Sandra (Itié) as a bargaining chip.

This movie is not made for film critics. This is made for the teenage boy in all of us that wants to see guys fighting, blowing shit up and have bazooka guns in their hands. It's like porn. You would cream in your undies watching this movie.

I was not expecting an intricate plot or compelling dialogue. I was looking for balls to the wall action. There were some instances that I cringed. When Gunner blew a guy away in half, I was like "Whoa". Terry Crews as Hale Caesar with his bazooka tommy gun was EPIC. Jason Statham as Lee Christmas throw knives into bodies that I didn't know was humanly possible.

The movie is awesome. I enjoy every minute of the movie. I had a good time. You should as well.

My rating: