Bottom Ten Films of 2012

I know. I know that I am late to the party, but I follow the same rules as the Academy. Most movies nominated don't come out or go into wide release until January into February. I wanted to see all the films to make my final judgments. Trying to avoid to the awful didn't mean that I didn't see the eventual shitacular assaults to my eyeballs. Here are my bottom ten films of 2012:

 10

The Grey

When I heard the Film Junk tauting this movie as one of the best movies of the year back in June, I wanted to see what the fuss was about. About five minutes into the movie, I knew what was going to happen and the big revelation at the end. There were some fucking annoying characters that I wanted glad became wolf food. I enjoyed their misery the characters went through to make up for mine watching this dreck.

9

Les Misérables

Words cannot describe how much I fucking hated this movie. Not all of the movie, but most of it. Excluding, Anne Hathaway and Samantha Barks, the movie was garbage. I cannot believe that a story about a man doing hard labor for stealing a fucking loaf of bread would be turned into a 2 1/2 hours musical with bland musical numbers Russell Crowe's guttural voice and the mediocre plot. My gay card might be revoked. I don't care.

8

The Bourne Legacy

Call me Miss Cleo, because I was telling Dan from Dan the Man's Movie Reviews that I thought this movie was going to suck elephant balls. I was right. Holy shit! Who wants to see a movie that was a rehash of The Bourne Ultanium but with generic version of Jason Bourne with whatever the fuck his name is. It was dull. So dull that I wanted to rip my fingernails off one by one with rusty pliers.

7

Red Tails

After taking the whole 2011 year off from watching movie, I started off 2012 with watching this bad Hallmark movie that somehow made it to the big screen. Don't get me wrong. I am proud of what the Tuskegee Airmen did in WWII and black pilots in general. It seems that the movie was dripping in so much syrup that you would into diabetic shock. 

6

The Dark Knight Rises

Going into the movie, I did not have the highest of expectations. In this nearly three hour miasma, I was pissed off that people were giving this movie praise. Are you kidding me? Are you high? The plot did not make sense. Christopher Nolan ending the Batman franchise is a good thing so we don't have to sit through another godawful Bruce Wayne flick. Back to the drawing board, Nolan. 

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Directed by Timur Bekmambetov

Screenplay by Seth Grahame-Smith

Based on the novel by Seth Grahame-Smith

Stars: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Rufus Sewell, Anthony Mackie, Marton Csokas, Jimmi Simpson and Mary Elizabeth Winstead

This is one of the rare times that I would read the book before seeing the obvious butchered, er -- altered adaptation of said book. I reviewed the book on the other site. The book was enjoyable because it took a boring biography and jazzed it up. Hearing the awful word about this movie, I stayed away. Seeing the movie now, my prediction did not make this movie better.

Everyone knows about the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln (Walker) or do you? Well, obviously not or there wouldn't be a movie about it, except for that Steven Spielberg movie.All of his life, Abe has been the victim of vampires. They took his mother and he wants to avenge her death. He meets strange fellow named Henry Sturges (Cooper) that takes him as his protégé to slay vampires. There is one vampire that is taking advantage of the turmoil of the country and wants to keep it that way, Adam (Sewell).

 Going into this flick, I knew that the storyline was going to be changed from page to screen. I get it. The same person adapted his own book to the big screen. It seems the director wanted to make the movie bigger than it should have been. Knowing the book gives you more ways to trash the adaptation of it. Characters were jettisoned and plot points were scraped. Fine. Where the idea come up of Lincoln having a black friend named Will Johnson (Mackie)? Really? Putting a generic "villain" in the movie is all right, but the movie should have focused on the slavery issue than a 5000-year-old vampire named Adam.

The biggest problem with the movie that Grahame-Smith tried to make an action flick out of a silly fantasy historical drama. The movie was a hodgepodge of biopic, romantic comedy, brainless action flick and Twilight. Making the vampires scary was a good choices, but they were utilized correctly. You had the vampires out in the daytime and they are supposed to wear sunglasses to protect their eyes to the sun. But, the vampires take their glasses off where sunlight floods in through window or through it doesn't kill them. What?

It seemed the "action" sequences were laughably bad. Why would you have a chase sequence happening during an obvious CGI horse sequence. It looked muddled and ridiculous. This film's failure at the box office should give us any indication that the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies movie will not see the light of day. Let it stay dead and buried. Pun intended.

My Rating

Trailer Tuesday Smackdown - 2/14/2012

Okay. Since nobody is voting for the smackdowns, I am no longer opening the voting. I am going to decide the trailers and the winners. Maybe if I build up more than ten readers, I could re-open it.

 The clear winner last week was "The Amazing Spider-Man".

 

I have read the book and I was fine with it. Looking at the trailer, I was surprised that it was more action packed that I thought it was. I didn't want to post the first trailer that it was meh.

vs

 This trailer reminded me of 2001: A Space Odyssey, but more fucked up then that movie.

Other trailers: Seeking A Friend For the End of the World and Extraterrestrial