Bottom Ten Films of 2012

I know. I know that I am late to the party, but I follow the same rules as the Academy. Most movies nominated don't come out or go into wide release until January into February. I wanted to see all the films to make my final judgments. Trying to avoid to the awful didn't mean that I didn't see the eventual shitacular assaults to my eyeballs. Here are my bottom ten films of 2012:

 10

The Grey

When I heard the Film Junk tauting this movie as one of the best movies of the year back in June, I wanted to see what the fuss was about. About five minutes into the movie, I knew what was going to happen and the big revelation at the end. There were some fucking annoying characters that I wanted glad became wolf food. I enjoyed their misery the characters went through to make up for mine watching this dreck.

9

Les Misérables

Words cannot describe how much I fucking hated this movie. Not all of the movie, but most of it. Excluding, Anne Hathaway and Samantha Barks, the movie was garbage. I cannot believe that a story about a man doing hard labor for stealing a fucking loaf of bread would be turned into a 2 1/2 hours musical with bland musical numbers Russell Crowe's guttural voice and the mediocre plot. My gay card might be revoked. I don't care.

8

The Bourne Legacy

Call me Miss Cleo, because I was telling Dan from Dan the Man's Movie Reviews that I thought this movie was going to suck elephant balls. I was right. Holy shit! Who wants to see a movie that was a rehash of The Bourne Ultanium but with generic version of Jason Bourne with whatever the fuck his name is. It was dull. So dull that I wanted to rip my fingernails off one by one with rusty pliers.

7

Red Tails

After taking the whole 2011 year off from watching movie, I started off 2012 with watching this bad Hallmark movie that somehow made it to the big screen. Don't get me wrong. I am proud of what the Tuskegee Airmen did in WWII and black pilots in general. It seems that the movie was dripping in so much syrup that you would into diabetic shock. 

6

The Dark Knight Rises

Going into the movie, I did not have the highest of expectations. In this nearly three hour miasma, I was pissed off that people were giving this movie praise. Are you kidding me? Are you high? The plot did not make sense. Christopher Nolan ending the Batman franchise is a good thing so we don't have to sit through another godawful Bruce Wayne flick. Back to the drawing board, Nolan. 

The Amazing Spider-Man

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

Directed by Marc Webb

Story by  James Vanderbilt

Screenplay by James Vanderbilt and Alvin Sargent and Steve Kloves

Based on the comic books series by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko

Stars: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Chris Zylka, Irrfan Khan, Campbell Scott, Embeth Davidtz, Martin Sheen and Sally Field

Let me warn you folks, I will using some coarse language in my review of this movie. If you don't like strong language, please turn away right now. Only warning.

When I heard that the Spider-Man franchise was being rebooted, I had mixed emotion with it. I enjoyed the Sam Raimi/Tobey Maguire franchise, expect for Spider-Man 3 -- which I did not see -- so I will not comment on that. I went into this movie with an opening mind and what I saw on-screen was nothing. Was Spider-Man "amazing? " I can certainly say with a resounding no.

Everybody knows about the origin story of Peter Parker that has Andrew Garfield slipping into the red and blue unitard suit which has to be done again for this movie. This movie takes place is a different universe than the other movies. This Peter Parker is a mopey, emo, skater kid that has a knack for photography and chemistry. He has a crush on Gwen Stacy (Stone) who he has a wallpaper of her on his computer. He tries to find what happened to his parents (Scott, Davidtz) and why they have to leave him with his Uncle Ben and Aunt May (Sheen, Field) years prior. He finds his dad's briefcase in the basement with a secret file to a decay algorithm he was working on with a former college, Dr. Curt Conners (Ifans). He tries to get closer to answer when he was bitten by an enhanced spider and blah, blah, blah.

I was warned before I went into this movie that the first half of the movie was going to be repetitive to give the origin story again. I have no idea whose idea it was to make Peter Parker into this cocky emo punk kid, but I fucking hated it. I understand that he goes into a dark place when he Uncle Ben is killed. (That is not a spoiler. Ben dying in the crux of Spider-Man existing.) When Spider-Man dons the costume, he becomes a giant douchebag, playing with the hundreds of guys that look like the guy that killed Uncle Ben.

I didn't understand the point of this movie. I was supposed to be entertained, but making the armrest next to me go up and down was more interesting than this movie. There was no immediate danger to anybody. I did not feel the tension, no suspense. Are these characters going to survive? I didn't care. I thought the dialogue made my eyes roll. I kept exclaiming, "Oh, God.Are you fucking kidding me?" I was in disbelief about how bored I was at the movie. Why was Chris Zylka in this movie? His role was the typical meat head jock bully that serves no purpose.

When you see the inspiration for the costume, I wanted to walk out. There were several times that I wanted to walk out of the movie. It was a waste of time. The sad part is that this movie is going to make a shitload of money. It's a damn shame. Columbia Pictures, you have dropped the fucking ball again.You have great source material and you fucking it all up with a repellent lead, laughable action sequences, a bland romance and atrocious dialogue. I rather look at Josh Hutcherson's audition video for two hours than see this movie again.

My Rating

Trailer Tuesday Smackdown - 2/7/2011

Well, since nobody voted on the last Trailer Smackdown-- I didn't expect anybody would-- I declare the winner of last week is "Iron Sky." This week sees more big budget trailers. I am not including Super Bowl teasers, because they are a tease-- not a full trailer. Here are the contenders:


 We haven't seen Sarah Polley behind the director's chair since her exquisite movie "Away From Her" came out in 2007. Now, she is back with "Take the Waltz". It stars tjhe phenomenal Michelle Williams as woman who is married to Seth Rogan, but has feelings for another man, Luke Kirby.

 vs

 
 The offical trailer for "The Amazing Spider-Man" came out. I know that people have reservations of having a reboot, but I have to say that I kinda like the badass Peter Parker, than the dorky one of the Sam Raimi series of movies. Don't get me wrong, two out of the three movies were my favorites.

Other trailers include: Game Change, Brake, and Red Lights